Purposeful living is something the Lord has been teaching me a lot about lately. When my father died, I was convicted even more of the importance of living with intention. We aren’t promised tomorrow and each day with our loved ones truly is a gift. I think that before my dad got sick, I would have said that with a little sass – like yeah, yeah each day is a gift. But I don’t want to take it for granted anymore! God has been shifting my focus toward living on purpose, with intention, doing the things that really matter while I’m here on this earth!
God calls His people to live abundant lives. He didn’t save us from sin to have a miserable existence until we go to Heaven to be with Him – He wants us to “have life to the full.” (Jn 10:10)
So how can we have a more intentional marriage? What does purposeful living look like within our relationships, specifically our relationship with our husband? Keep reading for 4 questions to ask for a more purposeful marriage.
As I started meditating on this idea of having a more intentional life, specifically within my marriage, I felt God press a few verses onto my heart.
From these passages, I gathered a few questions that I have been using to check myself. Marriage is hard (good!) work and I am finding that having little phrases and questions to ask myself really puts things into perspective. It helps me let the little things go and find a godly way to resolve the big things.
Am I trying to please my flesh?
The first passage is Galatians 6:8-10:
Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
In verse 8, it’s clear that the ways of the flesh – our human nature when we aren’t obedient to the Holy Spirit – leads to destruction, but when we are intentional about pleasing the Spirit instead of our own selves we are rewarded with the best gift possible – life with God forever.
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in selfishness in any relationship, but especially within marriage. I find myself thinking about my needs and my wants instead of what God wants from me. Often I get tangled up in striving to make my husband happy rather than asking God how I can please Him in each situation.
Asking yourself “am I trying to please my flesh?” really gets to the heart of the issue! Figuring out why we are acting, reacting, or feeling a certain way can shed a lot of light.
Is there some worldly goal or expectation I’m trying to measure up to within my marriage? Is there some unspoken expectation I have placed on my husband that I’m reacting to when He doesn’t meet it? Am I striving to please man or God? Am I humbly serving or secretly manipulating?
Verses 9 and 10 encourage us to love and show grace and mercy from the Holy Spirit’s endless store, not our own limited reserve. Verse 9 has really become my life verse these last few months. Don’t give up! There will be a return on your investment in your marriage. It will be in His time and in His way, but you will not be empty handed. The Lord blesses those who obey Him and continue to listen to His voice even when it’s hard.
Am I trying to make my husband meet all my needs?
The next passage that has been encouraging me toward intentionality in my marriage is Psalm 33:18-22:
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you
I can remember my high school self sitting in a room, alone, waiting for my boyfriend at the time to seek me out, figure out what was wrong, and fix it. I’ve long struggled with reaching for another human to meet all my needs rather than tapping in to the life giving power of Jesus to meet all my needs.
These verses from the Psalms are so comforting but they are also very convicting.
Work to please God.
Put my hope in God.
Wait in hope for God.
God is my help.
God is my shield.
In God I rejoice.
In God I can completely trust.
I know that I am guilty of expecting my husband to meet each of these things – I am a people pleaser! I want to make him happy! But my sweet husband is human and will never be able to be these things 100% of the time. And I’m learning that it’s unfair to place that responsibility on him!
But God. He is always trustworthy, always has enough strength and joy and hope to give. And when I go to Him to meet my needs and to be my strength, then I have more than enough love, grace, and mercy to offer my husband.
Am I trying to make my husband meet all my needs? Am I acting like he is my god? God alone is our hope, help and shield. He alone can be trusted unfailingly. When we start living that way, we are actually freed to love our husbands better!
Am I trying to find my identity in my husband?
Ephesians 1:11-12 MSG
It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.
Marriage comes with new roles, new responsibilities. There is so much to be said for our roles as wives because God designed marriage Himself and gave us a very important role to play.
But our purpose? Our purpose is not found in marriage. We are not defined by our marital status.
My purpose – your purpose – is found in Jesus Christ! It’s in Him “that we find out who we are and what we are living for.”
It’s not actually about me – or my husband! It’s about God being glorified.
My identity is in Christ and He is what I live for.
When I focus on that unwavering truth, the daily ups and downs of relationship won’t be so life altering.
I can remember getting into fights with my now husband and thinking “this is the end” or “how could he/I do this?” The first two years of marriage, I found myself sometimes wondering what we had gotten ourselves into. But I am learning that whether it’s emotional dramatics or real, true pain – we won’t be shaken if we know were our foundation truly lies.
Am I reacting to my circumstances or staying rooted in Christ?
Christ is greater than our circumstances.
Our story is not a perfect fairy-tale. We both brought baggage into our relationship and then into our marriage. We are both first-borns and are both strong willed. We fiercly love each other but we also both love our own way of doing things.
We’ve had crazy circumstances and major life changes happen to us in our first few years of marriage. We’ve navigated unemployment, become parents much sooner than we planned, and walked through the loss of my father.
But Jesus is greater than any circumstance. The things of earth really do grow strangley dim as we learn to focus on His face, His plan, His desires for our marriage.
We have a lot to learn still, but one thing we would both tell you is that “we just don’t have time for that.” We just don’t have time to let the little things be big fights. We don’t have time to let our limited time together be ruined by a bad attitude. We don’t have time to stay bent out of shape at one another.
When our focus is on Jesus and what He wants for us, it becomes clear that every day with our spouse truly is a gift.
Alisha says
Love this! Such an important topic.
Anna says
Thanks for your sweet comment! I love sharing what I’m learning.
Hala says
Such a beautiful post and great questions to keep in mind. I find myself answering them in the wrong way ALL THE TIME!! Thank you so much for your thoughts!!
Anna says
Thank you for reading – I think we are all guilty of answering them poorly alot of the time! Thank you, Jesus for grace 🙂